Santa Claus

Summary
Santa Claus, also known as the Body Count Guy, was the controversial global distributor of Christmas presents based in the North Pole. Despite his significant contributions to the Christmas holiday, his temperamental nature, tendency for violence, and questionable ethics earned him many enemies. He was eventually imprisoned in an industrial freezer by a slavery researcher and eaten by a fox.

Biography
Santa Claus' age is unknown. He is said to have brought about the ascension of the entire human race during a single climactic orgasm with his estranged wife, suggesting that he lived to be thousands of years old. However, it is known that he had soot on that night, so it has been argued that he was already delivering presents down chimneys at that time, and thus could not have been the progenitor of humanity. In this interpretation, Santa Claus did not father the human race, but elevated its celestial significance.

Santa Claus was known for being temperamental, even having psychotic episodes. When in a bad mood, he was known to throw M-80 firecrackers at people or hit them with a stick, but when in a good mood, he was known to offer to mow other people's lawns.

While Santa was best known for distributing gifts around the world each Christmas, he was known to steal presents from helpless people such as Cholera victims. Additionally, the cookie offerings that he collected from each household have been described as "conflict cookies," reflecting his tendency to incite chaos along the way.

In 1980, Santa Claus fought and defeated twelve Terminators in the middle of New York City, slitting their wrists with a bayonet.

In the early 1990s, a researcher studying the enslavement of elves in the Arctic met Santa. They became enemies, and she eventually locked him in an industrial freezer. Santa Claus was eventually eaten by a fox, possibly as capital punishment.

Legacy
As a cultural Christmas icon, no-nonsense war hero, and possible progenitor of the human race, Santa Claus developed a devoted following. He was described by one of the human-faced dogs (possibly Cocaine Dog or a relative) as an "absolute madman" and a "goddamn legend."

However, his demise was equally celebrated. The Fox that ate Santa Claus has developed its own fan base, and has been widely commemorated in paintings, such as those distributed by Mr. Waab, son of the Avian Prince.